I am not society’s textbook definition of wealthy. 

While I believe that the steps I’m taking month after month and the automated systems I’ve set up are helping me on my path to live my rich life, I am still a work in progress.

And I am honest about these facts.

I am no financial expert. I haven’t charted the kind of numbers personal finance gurus use on YouTube ads to attract potential attendees for their free webinar. Nor am I the seasoned entrepreneur with decades of experience in building and managing a business, selling you a product while I cruise down the streets of Beverly Hills in my top-down convertible.

However, I have grown my savings & investment allocation to 44x in a year. I am the “late bloomer” in personal finance here to share that it’s never too late. And I am writing this for the everyday person.

And the everyday person falls for arbitrary money rules, including myself when I was a lot more lost, a lot less guided with my finances.

I hear and see the most well-meaning personal finance platforms out there preaching these money rules. And here’s why I want to write about this. What is often hailed as holy-grail advice — cut out your daily coffee takeouts, avoid using credit cards and spend using cash only — if followed blindly, can breed fears that we carry with us all of our lives.

So, before we allow ourselves to mindlessly head down the path of constantly being afraid of making certain money missteps, let’s talk about the oft-preached-about money rules that I was wrong about.

Letting them go, and instead, learning these 5 money mindsets that I will share later, helped me:

Money Mindset #1: In situations where money can help you achieve your goals, make it a priority.

If you have a problem that money can solve, you don’t have a problem.”

This saying focuses on the premise that most people forget that they can spend money to fix a problem, e.g. buy back their time, hire a professional to get things done, enroll in a course to upskill oneself, and any other area where you can invest in yourself to relieve stress and alleviate worries.

This happens because of years’ worth of conditioning. We tell ourselves that it’s better to do everything on our own.

Why should we pay someone else if we can get it done ourselves? 

While that’s true, have you ever found yourself putting off what you said you could and would do? Things that somehow, you could never quite find the time to do it yourself? And when you did attempt to do it yourself, what were the chances of your success?

Most of us will not have the money to solve all of our money-can-solve problems 100% of the time. I’ve definitely been in situations where money could’ve bought me the happiness I was seeking, but I wasn’t in the position to allocate the money for it.

For example, there was a time when I wanted to get stronger, but I wasn’t able to afford a membership or class package at a preferred gym.

I could’ve been a little more creative and flexible with the different ways I could attain this “happiness goal”, i.e.:

1. Start small. Invest in basic equipment at home and focus on building the habit of training.
2. Experiment with alternative options. Muster the courage to work out at pay-per-entry gyms.
3. Create a plan. Spend 30 minutes looking at my finances and finding areas where I can move money around to budget for a monthly membership.

Instead, I would just put it off for “another time”. Another time didn’t come until I adopted this money mindset of making the gym membership a priority. And with that, I finally put the plan for this “happiness goal” into action.

In my case, it meant these priority shifts:

1. Making an effort to make my daily morning coffee at home and bringing it to work in a reusable coffee cup, thereby avoiding the need to spend upwards of RM100 per month on coffee takeaways alone.
2. Reducing the monthly allocation for my Fun Money budget (aka alcohol budget) so that I could allocate more to my Fitness budget. This also meant seeking out better deals, visiting cocktail bars less, and making places like The Brew House my trusted go-to.

When I stopped dismissing my needs and wants for a later time, and started putting in the work to reallocate funds or increase my income to pursue a “happiness goal”, life became a lot more wholesome.

Money Mindset #2: One person’s money taboo can be someone else’s money dream.

Never let someone else’s ill opinion of your money dream change your mind.

Everyone’s idea of “outrageous spending” is different. Someone else may think the item or experience you’re splurging on is outrageous. They may not understand that you are the happiest spending on what they consider to be repulsive.

My absolute money dream is to one day have access to a personal chef or food service that will allow me to have my daily meals sorted. The key thing for me is to never have to worry about what to eat, where to source them, and whether I have the ingredients to make them happen. This is especially important on a regular workday. 

For me, I’d rather spend the money so that I don’t have to think about how I will be fed. I like being a part of the process and knowing what I will be fed, but I would prefer to identify that and leave it to another party to source everything else. 

Time spent on acquiring food, if not made into a social experience of its own, is time I would rather spend working on other bigger priorities such as my career.

I’m already doing a version of this now — I order food deliveries almost everyday, and I try to be the most efficient with it too! Ordering for two meals at once in my attempt to balance what matters most to me: cravings, freshness, saving on delivery costs. I rarely, if ever, do takeaways (pick-up directly from the restaurant) because it negates what I am spending money for: to save time.

This may sound outrageous to most of you. I know a lot of people who love cooking, who do not mind carving out that time to cook, or will actually make the effort to cook despite their busy day. This is also how most people save on costs of living and daily expenditures, especially if they have multiple mouths to feed.

It’s easy for a third-person to view this and think, “Wow, what a waste of money! Can you imagine putting all that extra expenditure into something more worthwhile?”

However, what is worthwhile to you may not be worthwhile for me. There are areas in my life where I have completely minimized my spending so that I can live my everyday life with food deliveries.

This is an area of “luxury” I’ve consciously allocated in my monthly budget. I’m more wary about other things such as spending on nice-to-haves during a Shopee sale or purchasing sweet treats on a whim, both of which I know are the norm to many.

Food has always been more than just a form of sustenance to me, and even on regular days, I want to enjoy and love what I eat. And if I cannot provide that for myself, I am more than happy to outsource it.

Here’s to me working towards one day achieving some form of that personal-chef-slash-food-service money dream.

Money Mindset #3: Instead of sweating the little details, focus on growing the bigger number.

I grew up sweating the small number, unable to think big-picture money plans or even consider a proper savings plan. It’s always “I do not have”, instead of “I can have”.

Once I learned the value of compounding, I began to be able to grow my assets. First, it started with slowly paying off my credit card debt, while patiently putting away just RM50 a month into my savings at the age of 28. 

Then, I focused on growing the bigger numbers, e.g. equipping myself with the knowledge to negotiate a salary bump, experimenting with the appropriate amount of investment instruments that I could stomach at any given time, automating my monthly allocations for savings and investments. 

Instead of carefully counting the amount I was spending on eating out every month, I was more focused on growing my assets and generating more passive income that didn’t take much energy on my part.

It’s easier to save when you’re making a lot more. You also tend to stress the small things a lot less.

The mental fatigue that comes with sweating the little details is one feeling I do not miss at all.

Once I started making the steps to fight for myself and grow the bigger number, I was financially and mentally healthier. Not to mention, happier.

Money Mindset #4: Shaving a few bucks off a purchased item is not money saved if the savings is far less than the value of your time spent scouring the deal.

I grew up fearing money.

My parents molded and shaped a childhood where most things, if requiring money, were out of the question. In primary school, there were rare occasions where if I tried my luck, I could ask for a bag of Mister Potato chips and was allowed to add that into the shopping trolley.

Most of my firsts as a child were courtesy of others, namely my friends’ parents: My first visit to the cinema when I was 9, my first sip of a 7-11 Slurpee when I was 6, my first toy from Toys”R”Us, my first pet fish…

My parents provided for me in other ways. There were areas of spending that they found to be more deserving of their money’s worth, e.g. tuition classes.

To them, things like gas-station candy, candy floss at a fun fair, books bought on regular days at the retail outlet instead of a warehouse sale…were not worth the money because they could be acquired at a cheaper price point in other settings.

My limited understanding of their reasons for forbidding my access to certain goods and experiences cultivated a mindset of scarcity. 

“We do not have the money” became my go-to explanation for the things and experiences I wasn’t allowed to have. In actual fact, it was not that we did not have the money; the money was thought to be better spent on other things. I did not fully understand their fears and insecurities until I was in my mid-20s. The lack of communication surrounding money mindsets did not help.

Till this day, deal-scouring is generally still a source of pride in our household. 

As an adult, I now understand that the decades spent searching for the best deals and getting a kick out of accumulating the best savings in daily necessities can help build a comfortable middle-class lifestyle. And I’m forever grateful for what my parents have been able to provide because of these habits.

However, it can also rear an ugly head. For me, it’s resulted in blame avoidance and feelings of shame. If I somehow didn’t manage to maximize on savings for a particular purchase, I was stupid. I was wasteful. As if it was a direct comparison and equal measure of my worth.

I still try to maximize on deals. Cashbacks, promo codes, vouchers…you name it. But since coming to terms and learning to assign value to my time, I’ve also known to cap a limit to how much time is spent, just to accrue a few ringgits’ worth of savings. 

Measure these cost-saving efforts against how much your time is worth. 

For me, it goes like this:

If something is going to take me 3 minutes so I can save RM15, go ahead. If something is going to take me an hour just to save RM5, you best believe I’ll be paying in full!

Cashback savings, discounts, and promo codes bear different significance from one person to the another. Depending on your financial situation and capabilities, it could be a blessing. 

Or it could be the pitfall you need to avoid, especially if you can actually afford to pay slightly more for a stress-free experience.

Sometimes we get too caught up with the feeling of knowing we snagged a great deal that we lose sight about the bigger picture and:

1. Forget what our time is really worth.
2. Put up with the stress caused from the process of opting for the cheaper option.
3. Do what we don’t like doing.

Friendly reminder: you don’t have to do something just because that’s how it’s always been done. Nor do you have to do it because that’s how your family has done it.

Situations can, and should, change.

Which brings me to my next money mindset.

Money Mindset #5: Your definition of financial freedom has to be your own, and it will likely be different from everyone else’s. Take time to envision what a rich life means to you.

Growing up in a thrifty household and being told “no”, especially when it came to buying the small things, cultivated a scarcity mindset that led to impulsive behaviors the moment I had a slight taste of freedom when I was a teenager.

Instead of saying “no” to yourself all the time, or thinking that the lifestyle of your dreams is unattainable unless a miracle happens, really consider what you would do if you’d need to make it a reality.

Your definition of financial freedom has to be your own, and it will likely be different from everyone else’s.

Perhaps it’s retiring early à la the FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early) mindset.

Perhaps it’s going on dream vacations or purchasing items on your bucket list.

But it could also be as simple as being able to live a life stress-free.

These days, my partner and I have been talking a lot about what a rich life means to us and sharing what we individually envision our lives to be in the future.

Our experience with paying off our individual debt and budgeting for big-ticket items at the same time have taught us how to chart out the actionable steps needed to make our rich life a reality.

Bringing more awareness to my own reality and what my rich life would look like is a form of self-care I never thought to explore.

It’s a wonderful feeling, knowing that a dream that was previously so uncertain with no real way of knowing when it’d be achieved, could be achieved in the near future.

Final words

Now, I know a lot of the don’t-buy-RM10-coffee advice works for people!

It worked for me when I was trying to pay off my debt and to allocate more money for my savings every month when I was still taking home a fresh-graduate salary.

But to continue to hold on to these money rules, even as your wealth increases and you can afford to live your rich life, breeds fear. 

The fear of stepping out of your comfort zone stops us from living our lives. We should be able to imagine the best possibilities for ourselves and the experiences that .

Having money won’t make you better with money either.

When I was a college student, I started earning my first paycheck as an event freelancer. Money was easy for 18-year-old me — think: RM300 for a 5-hour job — and I wasted it all.

My impulsive spending behavior was the main culprit, but it was also the lack of understanding about personal finance and investing.

And while I am currently adopting these money mindsets, I am extremely aware of not spending beyond my means. Budgeting with the YNAB app helps. But deep down within me, I also have a fear that I will revert back to my debt-having ways.

Making money mistakes is normal. What matters is how you roll with the punches and how you learn to be flexible in steering towards a different direction whenever mistakes happen.

P.S. Want to read more about things I was wrong about? Check out Landing My Ideal Job Revealed These 6 Mistakes I Was Making.

P.P.S. Shout out to YNAB (that’s my referral link if you want to support!) and its Four Rules for inspiring some of these money mindsets. Not sponsored, just an avid fan.

P.P.P.S. Want to earn money while you shop? I’m still a Shopback user! Sign up here to start accruing cashback while you make your regular purchases.