Featured image by Leon on Unsplash

Disclaimer: This article in no way attempts to call out any previous employers. I’ve had many life-affirming experiences I could never have gained elsewhere and learnings I’ve taken with me since. I will always be grateful for my mentors and past bosses, in my previous work environments. I don’t regret these experiences, but I’m glad to have moved on to where I am today.

It’s no secret that I love my current job. I’m lucky to be working full-time for a company that has shaped a working environment that empowers me to produce my best work. I’m blessed to be part of a team with a healthy dynamic, which enables me to be my most productive self everyday while reaping the benefits of a collaborative environment.

It’s also my dream job at this moment. Landing my ideal job in the midst of a pandemic, circa July 2020, was a real blessing. But above all, the job itself is empowering. It’s flexible. It’s given me the freedom to effect change in ways that matter to me.

This is all a far cry from what I’m used to prior to July 2020. In the past year, as I’ve witnessed my own personal and career growth, I’ve realized how much a lot of us put up with in our workplace actually hampers our mental well-being, efficiency, and productivity.

So, how did I get so lucky? Pushing myself out of my comfort zone definitely helped. Pushing myself to recognize my limiting beliefs about who I was and what I’m capable of doing. I thought I was confident about my skillsets, but my actions were instead showing that I was shortchanging myself and my career growth.

Mistake #1: Underestimating my worth

I’ve been told by my peers that I come off as confident. While it’s true that I can carry myself well by psyching myself up, my real actions and decisions before landing my ideal job have contradicted the confident sell I’ve often tried to put forth.

What that translated into were scenarios where I

1. Took jobs — full-time or freelance — where the compensation or payment for service wasn’t what I was really comfortable or content with.
2. Berated myself for not being on the same level as my peers who I deemed successful.
3. Felt like a failure all the time because I had a vision I wanted to fulfil but I always fell short of my capabilities.
4. Had to overcome feelings of resentment.

What I do today that helps overcome this mistake

When it feels hard to push on and fight for what I want, and when the going gets tough, I focus on what I can do now, and put in the work I know is required to get to where I want to be.

When all I want to do is to shy away, go back into my shell, and accept what others are willing to give me — the best they can do, as they always say — instead of telling myself that this is what I deserve because someone else said so, I push myself to stand up for myself and my worth.

Even if all I want to do is procrastinate. Even if I try to make up excuses to reason with myself why I should be “giving up”. Even if it’s tough not knowing for sure that all my efforts will be worth it. Even if it was easier to just accept what others have told me my work was worth to them.

Because I’ve come to realize that it feels worse knowing that you didn’t attempt at all, than to attempt and fail.

You don’t know what you’re really worth if you don’t give yourself the opportunity to try to fail, or best case scenario, succeed.

The last thing I want at a job today is to feel resentful because of a missed opportunity where I didn’t speak my truth, or spend years feeling inadequate because I said “yes” to a number I wasn’t comfortable with.

Mistake #2: Rationalizing a bad offer and settling for it

This mistake is related to the last one. When I decided to leave the job that didn’t introduce any increment or bonuses for 3+ consecutive years — more on why I stayed in Mistake #4 — I was fresh out of 3+ consecutive years of rationalizing bad offers.

Years of rationalizing why it’s okay that I continue to be paid a fresh-graduate salary after 3+ years of experience — 5, if you count the field work I’ve done before starting my first full-time job — and why I could put up with it.

So much so that when recruiters and hiring managers were telling me the normal increment percentage for new hires, I accepted it and I settled.

I was desperate to get out of my then-situation that any figure would have sufficed. I wasn’t yet comfortable with talking to my partner, or anyone around me, on how to navigate negotiation tactics, so I settled.

Feelings of shame and not feeling like I amounted to much contributed to this decision-making process.

What this mistake cost me

Feelings of resentment throughout my time at the job — not feeling like I was being paid what I was worth, and therefore, not doing my very best and putting in the extra effort to do the continuous learning and push for the opportunities that could’ve maximized my potential.

What I do today that helps overcome this mistake

Instead of blindly accepting what recruiters tell me is the norm, I stand firm with my ask.

Here’s my mantra: I’ve done my research, I know the figure I’m presenting is in the ballpark range, and it’s a number I am content with. So, I shouldn’t be easily swayed by someone who has everything to gain from negotiating a lower salary with me.

I understand not wanting to let a good opportunity slip through your fingers. If we demanded for more, would this potential employer drop their offer and opt for another candidate instead?

Here’s your reminder: employers are unlikely to retract their offer — it’s not the professional thing to do. There are a few caveats to this statement, of course, e.g. a newly discovered factoid about you that goes against the company values, incriminating evidence of you engaging in criminal wrongs, etc.

In general, I’ve never pushed a negotiation past the “final offer” stage but I know of people who have, and have managed to negotiate for the compensation (base salary, allowance, benefits, equity, etc.) they desire. That requires bravado and I hope to get there some day.

For now, my guide for myself is to push to, at least, get to the “final offer” stage, and always be willing to walk away.

We often get too caught up with an offer, not realizing that a lot of what we put up with during the negotiation process are fuelled by an employer’s behavior that should be red flags. 

I am willing to dive into negotiation tactics further in a different post — just let me know in the comments if it’s something you’ll be interested in!

Mistake #3: Equating perks like ping pong tables, bean bags, free goodies as a mark of an inclusive work culture

Many “culture sells” are just a facade to sell a dream that does not translate to how a company ensures its employee’s everyday well-being.

I cannot emphasize how many times I’ve interviewed with a company and they’ve piled on the fact that they have an “open-door policy”, when in actuality, the culture intra- and inter-department toxic and collaboration is tough because there is no accountability.

Perks I’ve mentioned are great when it’s designed and implemented with their employees in mind. My current company does a great job at that, and it has genuinely kept its employees, including myself, happy because with every perk and every employee engagement initiative, comes a survey for feedback and recommendations directly from the people they aim to please — the employees.

Buying into this facade in the past didn’t cost me much, but it did teach me not to focus on the superficial. Sometimes, the red tape surrounding these perks and benefits are not as apparent until you join the company.

What to do to identify red flags

Ask the important questions that will reveal a company’s true culture. When interviewing, ask really specific questions and listen closely to how your prospective employer says what he or she has to say.

If a company continues to refer to the material offerings that they have, without pointing out specific examples in which they’ve handled an employee well-being situation, be wary.

You don’t want a company that organizes annual team-building events and celebrates festive occasions, but doesn’t actually have a culture within teams that is open and transparent.

You want to look at the systems in place that are responsible for upholding employee well-being, not one-off cheap tricks that make for good social media and PR fodder.

Mistake #4: Holding on to future spoils promised by an employer

This comes in many forms:

We can’t match your asking salary now, but we can give you a considerable increment that comes closer to that after your probation period.

This is not a norm. We advise you to wait for x months before management can consider this idea.

I’m sorry, the company hasn’t been doing well. But we can definitely revisit this next year. Please be patient with us.

Be grateful. Many don’t have the luxury to even ask for a pay raise right now.

Now, I’m not calling your employers liars!

In fact, many do have legitimate grounds and policies that were established for good reason to be saying these things. Often, they mean well, and they want to keep you around.

But if something is making you unhappy, whether it’s your compensation or the work scope you have, sometimes you just cannot wait.

While it’s good to be hopeful — and I’m sure your employer is too! — no one can accurately predict the future. What if, in the scenario where your employer promises you things will get better, it doesn’t? Do you stay for another year? Then another year? And another?

That’s what I did. I was told every year I was doing a wonderful job, that my commitment and tenacity were features about me they treasured. But I was unhappy.

Unhappy that I was giving so much but I could never support the lifestyle I was living. Unhappy watching everyone else grow and wondering whether it’s normal to move up the career ladder at a snail’s pace, especially when I’m told I’m valued for my dedication to the job.

What I do consistently today to remove my rose-tinted glasses

Being realistic. With a lot of things in my life concerning others, I continue to give them the benefit of the doubt, never jumping to conclusions, and avoid assigning them a single story.

With work-related compensation, I look at numbers, data, and legally binding documents — and even then, I don’t base my decisions on fairly unpredictable future spoils.

Mistake #5: Assuming that a great manager is one with the best experience and accolades on paper

I’ve seen this a lot: people idolizing a certain leader or entrepreneur because of their public image and their commanding persona, only to leave because who they looked up to made work mentally exhausting and/or weren’t great managers. 

Many automatically assume that to work with a fearless leader is the ultimate dream — the ideal job. Some would do anything to be under the tutelage of a leader they’ve viewed from afar, wondering what amazing feats they could amount to themselves if they had the chance to shadow someone who has shown great results in their career.

These are valid reasons, but also dangerous once you start putting a leader, or anyone at all, on a pedestal. Projecting your hopes and aspirations on an imaginary future is risky business. 

What to keep in mind to avoid making this mistake

Great founders and entrepreneurs do not necessarily make great people managers. Just like how great athletes do not necessarily make great coaches. Nothing wrong with that, though.

In later stages of your career, you’re resourceful and independent enough to not need the people-management aspect of a leader as much. But for early-stage career growth, this is an important point to note. If you’re just starting out on your career, it causes more harm to you if you romanticize the idea of a leader. 

To work with a manager that could be good for your career, look out for traits that make up an authentic leader. No use having all the credentials and brilliance if they lack the humanity and empathy to be the leader that provides you with the resources to produce your best work.

Mistake #6: Accepting “no” as a reason to back down

No, we’re only able to give you a 15% bump at maximum from your last pay.

No, we are looking for someone with at least 6 years of experience in this field.

No, we would not like to partner with you this time around.

Getting rejected is hard. Being told that what you believe is right is actually not ideal in the eyes of those you’re trying to appeal to, is not a nice feeling. But it’s when we allow ourselves to dwell in those feelings, that it truly introduces hardship into our lives.

I understand being afraid of hearing “no” from others, because you’d likely equate that to a reflection of your capabilities. It’s easy to think that a “no” to a specific request is a “no” to who you are and the work you’ve put in.

What accepting “no” for an answer cost me

1. Projects that never saw their way to the finish line. The fear of hearing “no” meant every move I made was intensely calculated. I wasn’t thinking out of the box enough, for fear that my idea would be ridiculed in a group setting. I wasn’t pushing my ideas from concept to execution because once someone questioned a move I was making, I’d immediately kowtow and shut down the project.
2. Missed opportunities. I allowed my fear of “no” to manifest into psychological barriers that stopped me from pursuing potential opportunities. In my head, it was better to tell myself I wasn’t good enough before someone else had the chance to.

What learning to remain courageous in the face of rejection taught me

It took being in my current job, being among respectful people, to finally feel empowered to do things creatively, embrace the go-big mentality, and believe in myself enough to push through feedback and make my ideas the best they can be.

Hearing someone tell me “no” doesn’t make me feel invalidated anymore. Or at least, not as often. If they don’t explain themselves, I ask the questions that would give me the answers. To help me understand, so I can further build my case until the “no” becomes a “yes”.

Final words

I share these mistakes, not to list the things I regret doing or not doing. I wouldn’t be where I am today, had I not experienced many of these instances and learned them the hard way. I will continue to make mistakes in the next few decades, and I will continue to grow from them.

Knowing what I know now that I didn’t know before has helped me tremendously, because with my current skills, knowledge, and learnings, I can continuously work on landing my ideal job — no matter when that is, and even if my dream changes.