3 Mental Models to Use When You Feel Like Giving Up

As I write this, I’ve just battled an hour of restlessness. 

In the past year, I’ve gotten better at pushing through when I feel like giving up. I’ve learned to catch myself when my mind checks out and I’m about to pick up my phone and scroll mindlessly on Twitter. I’ve become more aware of what’s stopping me from continuing a task — what’s driving the procrastination, essentially.

But today, once again, I feel like giving up. I don’t feel like writing. I want to afford myself the break I know my mind needs after a full week at work.

Sometimes, despite the best of our planning, life’s uncertainties can derail us. We start off a week setting the intention to be productive with a predetermined set of tasks, only to be hit left, right, and centre with unexpected distractions that are out of our control.

We may not be able to predict when exactly what will happen, but we can approach I-feel-like-giving-up moments with mental models that can help guide us through overcoming these obstacles.

Let’s start.

Remind yourself of your “why”

Our brains have a powerful shortcut that is put in motion when there is an ease in processing fluency. The more positively we view something from the beginning, the more we are to like it, the less we are to judge it critically, and the stronger the belief for it. We then think that there is every benefit to pursue the belief or the steps that will take us to that goal.

That is why we can easily talk ourselves into doing something because it’s “what I have to do” or “it just feels right” or “it’s necessary for me to get to where I want to be in 20 years”. 

Look at us, duping ourselves. But, I don’t say this to shame us. These thoughts can be inspirational. Helpful, even, for those who need the push to launch a product or pursue a hobby.

Here’s how we can wield it to our advantage:

Once we recognize how easily we trust in the assumptions and beliefs that are put forth in the world, we can actively perform regular check-ins with ourselves, to reassess priorities and decide if we’re really working on the things we want.

Because if we’re putting ourselves up for a job that ultimately feels meaningless to us and does not provide that joy and satisfaction, feeling like giving up is the warning sign you need to recognize and accept.

So, let’s rewind to the beginning.

Before starting on a pursuit, ask:

What is the purpose, cause, or belief that is driving me to do this?

Can I imagine putting in the consistent time and effort required to pursue this?

Are the steps I’m taking crucial in helping me get to the finish line I’ve drawn in my path?

Do I feel fulfilled taking the steps needed to get where I want to be?

These questions can address whether:

What you’re doing is really a priority to you. 

Superficial reasons are one of the biggest factors to why people find it hard to stay motivated. Don’t be afraid of tweaking or changing your goals along the way. 

The questions can also help you understand whether:

The steps you’re taking are really what you need to make to achieve your goals.

We can look to individuals that have made it in our respective fields, and think, OK, these are the steps they took and they’re successful, so I should follow suit.

Or you may even think, these are their top 5 morning habits. I’ve got to follow them to a T to get closer to that picture of success.

But you’re your own person with your own needs.

Take inspiration from the people you most admire, yes, but tailor the strategies so it suits your lifestyle needs.

Once you’ve done all of the above, you get on with maintenance.

To stay on track and not feel like giving up, remind yourself of your “why” and your belief in your journey.

It doesn’t matter that you’ve foiled multiple attempts or failed at reaching your milestones. What matters is that you keep going.

Take the time to revel in the key moments and small wins. Acknowledge and recognize that you’re living a life of purpose. Use that renewed passion and past feelings of fulfillment to fuel you once again.

Make a conscious choice instead of looking for motivation

We’re not always in the ideal state of mind.

Our environments are not always going to be the most conducive. Our processes, as optimized as they are when we set them up, are going to seem less ideal on some days. Especially on days when you feel like giving up.

And that’s when it gets frustrating, because aren’t these cues and habits — some even inspired by goal-getting entrepreneurs and inspirational leaders — meant to make things effortless for us?

This is when silencing your instinct becomes crucial.

When you can’t rely on instinct or momentum, you’ll need to make a choice to just do it. This is one of those times where you have to ignore your gut feel.

We will crave the positive push or jolt of emotional desire, because we think it’s what we need to do something.

But there will be days when, unexpectedly, feelings of fear and shame, self-doubt, or apathy will hinder us from having that “motivation”. What happens then?

I’m a huge proponent of first taking action, then letting motivation come as a result of it. It has allowed me to push through in moments when I feel like giving up.

When I feel like procrastinating, I push myself to just do the one thing.

When giving up for the day feels like the easier route, I get laser-focused, forget everything else temporarily, and then do the one thing.

Forcing myself to focus and push through with one small task allows me to build up the reaction and feeling that achieving that bigger task is possible.

Here’s a real-life scenario:

My goal for today is to finish this article. But because I feel like giving up, I tell myself that I only need to complete one section of this article, and I just focus on that. But the feeling I get upon completion of the section makes me think, oh hey, that was doable. I can definitely work on another section.

So instead of thinking about my end goal for the day, I just focus on what I can complete right here, right now. Obviously, this takes some practice, and knowing to accurately estimate your capacity helps.

Whenever I’ve enlisted this method of making a choice and just doing something, I’ve never found myself regretting or feeling worse when all is said and done. 

Another real-life scenario:

When I am on a 4x/week strength training program, there will be days after work when the last thing I want to do is make the extra effort to go to the gym. All I want to do is go home, rest, treat myself to comfort foods, and binge Netflix comedies. 

But on days when I’ve just pushed myself to go, even as I yawn through my sets, I’ve always left the gym feeling like I made the right choice — tired as I am.

Besides understanding how important the strength-building goal is to me, and recognizing the long-term benefits of keeping consistent, I also incorporated the idea of just doing. Not focusing on the activities I have to do in their entirety. Just changing into activewear. Just making the walk from the office to the gym. Just warming up. Just getting my exercises done, one set at a time. 

Sure, I’ll have attempts that are so-so. I’ll have days when I have to revisit and scrap something I’ve already spent hours or days doing, and start from the beginning again. 

But no matter how hard something is, I’ll always feel grateful for my attempts, even if the results seem average. At least, if that attempt fails, I know that’s one option I can rule out. I understand that putting in the work helps me grow, progressively, even if I don’t see the results today.

So, the next time you feel demotivated, tell yourself to do something. Anything. View it in bite-sized chunks. Then, take advantage of the reaction and feelings you get from completing that action to propel you further.

Simplify, don’t overcomplicate

Perhaps there is fear of the unknown.

Perhaps you’re wrought with all the uncertainties in your project pipeline.

I get it. Not having a precedent to refer to, to project a clear prospect, can be frustrating.

Not being able to picture a definitive future can be discouraging, leading to instances where you feel like giving up.

But what if you utilize that self-doubt to your benefit? To explore the different possibilities strategically.

Here’s what you can do: Carve out action plans for potential scenarios.

The fun part about considering your options is that it allows you to see and accept that:

• The world is a malleable place and you are too.
• You are capable of coming up with a game plan when you have to detour from your set path.
• You are ready to roll with the punches — there are going to be possibilities you never expect!

Here’s my real-life example:

When building this website, it dawned upon me with each passing day that I had severely underestimated the time, work, and knowledge needed to build the website of my dreams.

Initially, I considered pushing the launch date. But what I opted in the end was this: I reassessed my priorities, and shifted my vision of how I wanted this website to be when it launched. 

Had I allowed the mini stumbling blocks to stop me from moving forward with my plan, or stubbornly fixated on the same initial idea, I would not only delay my launch, but would likely burnout prior to launch.

I rolled with the punches in my own way, and launched on the day I wanted, with a minimum viable product.

I did, still, stay up to 5am the morning before its launch. Tears were (definitely) involved.

Sometimes, simplifying your vision is what you need to keep you going, so you don’t feel like giving up. I still adhered to a bar of standards with the launch, but I knew to forego the vanity features for the time being.

Final words — trust the process

Trust your experimentation, however chaotic your setting.

Play with out-of-the-box thinking and allow your creativity to flourish. Give your best work the opportunity to see the light or day, and even mature.

If you know what you want, and you pursue it with fervor and energy, your mind and body will reconfigure itself to suit the situation.

You will grow. You will spur positive change in your life. Most importantly, you will learn.

If you’d like to share the tried-and-tested methods you’ve used that have helped you get out of your funk, leave a comment below!